Is there someone in your life who is driving you crazy?

Three years ago, I was friends with an individual who was literally driving me crazy. Maybe I should not even say we were friends. We were acquaintances because there was no bond between us not in the way there is with friends. We weren’t married and we were never lovers. We enjoyed time together but that was where the friendship ended. He was very helpful but whatever the situation he was always charming and entertaining.


He cared, or at least he said he did, about my family and friends. Actually, he did a lot of good but he was not in it for the long haul. If it suited him to be present, he was there but if one came to depend on him, he was gone in a flash. He didn’t make excuses like — I didn’t show because the alarm didn’t go off or whatever. He said he didn’t show because I made him uncomfortable. In other words, it was my fault. I had crossed his boundaries whatever that meant. He was literally driving me crazy.

I am a logical person and his behavior was illogical to me so I went on the internet searching for answers and found Kim and Steve. As I read the material, I could not believe how accurately they described this person. Kim and Steve are a husband and wife team and Steve used to drive Kim crazy in exactly the way this acquaintance of mine drove me crazy –same words, same behavior in many examples.

Confabulation, noun, meaning to converse or to speak. In psychology a fabricated narration told as truth.

Example

During an argument with his wife Al stated, “Jim threatened to kill me.”

“I don’t believe that,” Sue responded “Why would he want to kill you?”

“Because he’s having an affair with you and wants me out of the way.”

“That’s crazy. Why would you think that?”

“Because I heard you tell Alice you wanted to move in with him.”

“I did no such thing.” Sue grabbed her phone and began dialing. “Alice, did I ever say to you that I wanted to move in with Jim?”

Alice answered, “No.”

“Would you please tell Al that?” Sue offered the phone to Al and he refused to take it.


Gaslighting, verb, meaning arrogant intimidation. Stalling. Psychological abuse in which one individual tries to make another individual believe an untruth.

Example

Sally truly loved everyone including Jack. She thought of the young man as her son and always invited him to family gatherings. The grandchildren loved to have Jack come and he seemed to enjoy being with them. Then he stopped visiting with them. When Sally asked him about it he made it her fault claiming she had crossed his boundaries. Sally was confused and while she did not understand how it could be her fault or where these boundaries suddenly came from she cried and apologized profusely.

Stonewalling, verb. Delaying tactics. Refusing to talk. Ignoring request or questions.

Example

When asked about her behavior Jane stated, “I have no need to defend myself.” Another time she said, “I have no desire to help you understand anything.”

At one time Kim Cooper was being stonewalled by her husband Steve. As you can imagine this made life very disorganized and confusing. Kim loved Steve and did not want the marriage to end in divorce but things could not go on the way they were. By following her insides Kim was able to make some changes in her own life that eventually caused Steve to change.

Today Kim and Steve run a web site that offers help to those who love someone with similar problems. Steve now talks openly about the tactics he used to keep Kim confused so that he could feel safe with her. Together they are able to help both the abuser and the abused as they relate their experiences in the e-books, weekly emails and videos offered on the site.

When Kim began to change she set some ground rules to protect her self and the children. She then let Steve know that she loved him but she would not allow him to treat her as he had before. As her focus moved from trying to please Steve to being the person she was meant to be she stopped crying and getting hurt and angry. As a result she could see through his confabulations and didn’t let them stop her from her own individual path. This took time and Kim admits she made a lot of mistakes along the way but when Steve found he couldn’t push her buttons anymore he began to change as well.

As in the example of gaslighting given above many people wonder if they are the one starting the fights. Kim has three questions that helps one find out if they are the abuser. After years of research and studies she also has answers in either case. You can find Kim and Steve Cooper on Facebook or go directly to their site at http://www.narcissismcured.com