Ceil

Jealousy

2010-12-15T07:17:00.003-07:00

Jealousy is the opposite of love.

Love says, I care about you.

Jealousy says, I care about me. I care about what you can do for me, and how you make me feel. Jealousy says you are my possession. You can’t think your own thoughts, and you can’t leave .

Love says I care about you just the way you are. I accept you with all your strengths and weakness. I don’t own you. You are free to make your own decisions. I like it when you agree with me, I like it we are together and the way I feel when you are near but that must be real. It must be what you want. I don’t want you if I have to force you to hang around. I don’t want you if you don’t want me.

Jealousy is about self. Love is about others as well as self.

Unless you are looking for adventure and a lot of drama run like crazy from a relationship with a jealous person.
Are you in a jealous relationship?

Love and Relationships

2010-12-02T10:15:00.005-07:00

Love and Relationships

Sex really is not the most important thing in the world, or even in a marriage. What is of far more importance is how the people treat each other. Do they have respect, for each other, are they honest with each other, or are they controlling, jealous or self- centered? Do they support each other, believe in each other, help each other and encourage each other to grow? Can they talk about things, do they care about the other person’s welfare, and do they show love more than say it?

Don’t buy me gifts, and don’t tell me you love me. Well, you can say it sometimes but hold me when I cry, help me up when I stumble, talk to me. Share with me your bad day, your accomplishments, your dreams, your needs, and allow me to share those same feelings with you.

Love is not exclusive. I believe that if a person has that kind of love in a marriage they will have the same kind of love for others. I don’t think a controlling self-centered, jealous person changes just because of a certificate or marriage vows. Specifically, I am saying I love my children, my neighbor and everyone the same way I loved my husband but intimate relations are separate.
Intimate relations then are in addition to love. They become special, meaningful, binding, sacred and only for my spouse. That relationship is the result of love and commitment not the reason for it. In other words the intimate relationship should come about as the result of commitment. Intimate relationships without commitment, without the kind of love described above are meaningless. Such relationships are like an ice cream bar on a hot day. They melt fast and are soon gone. That is exactly what some people want and that’s fine. But commitment is meat and potatoes all the time. To me this is far more a meaningful love.
Do you agree or disagree?
~ Ceil

Ceil

When Love Makes You Crazy

2010-11-22T23:10:00.005-07:00

The examples given below are actual dialogue from my life experiences. Names have been changed. These defense tactics, whether used by a child, spouse, sibling or other, work all too well but if you know about them, you don’t have to be the victim. I am so grateful that I found Kim and Steve Cooper and grew a backbone. Do any of these examples sound familiar?
Example:
During an argument with his wife Al stated, “Jim threatened me.”
“I don’t believe that,” Sue responded “Why would he do that?”
“Because he’s having an affair with you and wants me out of the way.”
“That’s crazy. Why would you think that?”
“Because I heard you tell Alice you wanted to move in with him.”
“I did no such thing.”

Defense Tactic: Confabulation, noun, meaning to converse or to speak. In psychology a fabricated narration told as truth.

Sue grabbed the phone and began dialing. “Alice, did I ever say to you that I wanted to move in with Jim?”
Alice answered, “No.”
“Would you please tell Al that?” Sue offered the phone to Al and he refused to take it.

Example:

Sally truly loved everyone including Jack. She thought of him as her son and always invited him to family gatherings. The grandchildren loved to have Jack come and he seemed to enjoy being with them. Sudenly he stopped visiting and when Sally asked him about it he made it her fault. While Sally did not understand what she had done to cause this, she cried and apologized profusely.

Defense Tactic: Gaslighting, verb, meaning arrogant intimidation. Stalling. Psychological abuse in which one individual tries to make another individual believe an untruth.

Example:

When asked about her behavior Jane stated, “I have no need to defend myself.” Another time she said, “I have no desire to help you understand anything.”

Defense Tactic: Stonewalling, verb. Delaying tactics. Refusing to talk. Ignoring request or questions.

At one time Kim Cooper was being stonewalled by her husband Steve. As you can imagine this made life very disorganized and confusing. Kim loved Steve and did not want the marriage to end in divorce but things could not go on the way they were. By following her insides Kim was able to make some changes in her own life that eventually caused Steve to change.

Today Kim and Steve run a web site that offers help to those who love someone with similar problems. Steve now talks openly about the tactics he used to keep Kim confused so that he could feel safe with her and continue his double life. Together they are now able to help both the abuser and the abused as they relate their experiences in the e-books, weekly emails and videos offered on the site.

As in the example of gaslighting given above, many people wonder if they are the one starting the fights. Kim has three questions that accurately identifies the abuser from the abused. In the search for her own answers, Kim has taken the advice of professionals and put it into layman’s terms in her e-books. You can find Kim and Steve Cooper on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Kim-and-Steve-Cooper-of-Fightbusters-and-The-Love-Safety-Net/118928306447 or go directly to their site at http://www.narcissismcured.com
Please cut and paste into your browser if links do not work.

2010-09-11T15:11:00.003-06:00

What Kind Of "Holic" Are You?

Alcoholic, chocoholic, chewaholic, complainaholic, foodaholic, negaholic, pornaholic, sexaholic, spendaholic, smokeaholic, sportsaholic, sodaholic, workaholic.

Check out Perfect Brightness Of Hope By Phil S

www.perfectbrightness.com

Perfect Brightness of Hope

2010-09-11T14:30:00.002-06:00

The book is --A Latter Day Saint’s Journey Through Alcoholism Addiction.
"I encourage every parent, teacher; coach, teenager and superstar to read this book. No one can read it without self-examination. I will never be the same and I am grateful for that fact."

—Steve Young, former NLF quarterback

The Perfect Brightness of Hope by Phil S.

2010-09-11T14:23:00.003-06:00

My Favorite Path this month is The book The Perfect Brightness of Hope written by Phil S.

When I was in nursing school, I recall a great debate going on about whether alcoholism was a diseases or a medical condition. If drinking is a condition then it is simply a matter of choice or discipline and it is true that many are able to manage their drinking so it does not become a habit. But when consumption becomes an addiction, it is a disease. For this reason the American Medical Association list alcoholism by the International Classification of Diseases under both psychiatric and medical sections.

The real issue then becomes one of addiction. As Phil points out in his prolog, addictions vary.

He says, “I define a –“holic” as anyone who engages repeatedly in destructive behaviors: spiritual, physical, or emotional.”

Wow! I love that.

Phil goes on to say, “These include but are not limited to- alcoholic, chocoholic, chewaholic, complainaholic, foodaholic, negaholic, pornaholic, sexaholic, spendaholic, smokeaholic, sportsaholic, sodaholic, workaholic, and so on.”

Complainaholic? I love it. I am certain that we are all “holic’s” to one degree or another. My children will agree that I am a junkaholic. You may remember that I just went through a terrible experience of de-junking 43 years of collecting and my house is still bulging. What kind of “-holic” are you? Be honest now.

I love this book because it applies to each of us as we overcome the “-holics” in our lives to find ourselves and our individual path. It’s a good read.

Phil’s site is at www.perfectbrightness.com

Clippity Clop

2010-09-11T14:14:00.001-06:00

I live in a house built in 1889. I am sure that the clipitty clop of many horses have passed by here. In fact I have even heard and seen horses and their riders outside my window since I’ve been here.

Recently, I heard a clipitty clop and looked out to see a kid on a skateboard. clipitty clopping over the cracks in the side walk Now I never know what I’ll see.

Ceil

Rich Means Chickens in the Hen House

2010-08-09T05:40:00.001-06:00

Rich Means Chickens in the Henhouse

Breakfast for me often means a piece of dry toast on the run, but yesterday I actually sat down to enjoy two eggs over easy, and a nice thick slice of ham. It reminded me of my days on the farm when eggs and ham were daily fare. We were rich in those days because we had chickens in the hen house. This meant that not only did we have eggs for breakfast, eggs for cooking, eggs to sell or to share, but we had chickens to produce more eggs. In the spring we’d let some of the hens hatch baby chicks which would either increase the flock or provide fried chicken for the table.

For those of us who left the farm, or those who never lived on one to start with, the principal is the same. Rich means having abundance as well as having resources. In other words it not only means having enough eggs to sell but a continued increase of chickens and eggs. If we were talking about money it would be a healthy savings account plus enough to invest.

Of course we could also consider ourselves rich with music, art, friends, family, religion, nature, or any one of an unlimited number of experiences. How much music does one need to be rich in this manner? That depends because rich also means valuable. If one friend or piece of art changed your life – caused you to find something inside of yourself waiting to be developed – that one experience would be enough to make you rich.

When I lived on the farm, I was rich in many ways. I had a lot of time to think and create while on my way to fetch the cows for milking, or walking three or four miles to the next door neighbor’s house with a message. Later, after chores were finished for the day I had time to put the thoughts or images of the day on paper. A neighbor might come by with his violin, one of my aunts would play the piano, Dad picked his guitar and the rest of us sang. It was a simple but fulfilling life.

Today I live on a busy street, carry a cell phone with me at all times, spend hours on the computer, drive mile but start my day with exercise because I don’t need to fetch the cows any more. Am I poor? No. I don’t think so. I have solitude. I can meditate or write. Family and friends surround me as they did before. I know most of my neighbors. My easel holds my latest painting and I sing with a group.

I don’t work a nine to five anymore. My time is my own to spend as I choose and with whom I choose. I go where I want and pretty much I do what I want, when and how I want within the limits of society. Oh, there are things I’d like to change but the principle is the same. I am rich in the things that are of value to me. I have built depth in my life with those things. Still there are mountains to climb and to paint; stories to write and people to meet.

If you would likewise be rich then find what is important to you and do those things.
Ceil DeYoung

The 4 burner question

2010-08-05T12:21:00.002-06:00

The Four Burner Theory

The idea comes from an article by David Sedaris. "One burner represents your family, one is your friends, the third is your health, and the fourth is your work." The gist is that in order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to be really successful you have to cut off two.

Chris Guillebeau recent asked for opinions on this idea and as usual I have something to say. Chris, you may remember, is the guy I featured on Favorite Paths. He has written such books as Art+ Money, Breaking Out of The 9-5 and How to Get Your Message To The World.

The first thing that comes to my mind is the quote that goes something like, what does it profit a man if he should gain the whole world and yet loose himself.

Is it worth ruining our health, or losing our family and friends for success (whatever that means)? From personal experiences, I know it is necessary to turn off one of those four burners. It is impossible to maintain all four areas of activity the same intensity at the same time

When my children were small, I was taking a class, involved with scouts and a lot of other things. Someone asked me to do just one more thing and I wound up in the hospital. All of a sudden, the important things I felt I had to do became insignificant. After that experience I said, “Now I know why there are only twenty-four hours in a day. That is all we can humanly handle.”

At that stage of life, my family required a lot of attention but in later years, the children went off to school, got married, and developed their own problems. Maybe that class I wanted to take could have waited until the children were older. Scouts on the other hand moved to the front burner.

If one is single, divorced or widowed, they may want to throw themselves into their job and work out at the gym to forget about involvement with others. That might be what is important to them at the time. Retirees or young singles may want to serve as missionaries, armed services or travel and put family and friends on the back burner for a time. Somewhere in between family or friends might be far more important. Sometimes health, or lack of, becomes more important than all of the other three. I conclude that it is highly unlikely that success can come from cooking on all four burners at the same time but each has its turn.

Favorite Path--Chris Guillebeau

2010-07-30T05:51:00.001-06:00

Favorite Paths

Like many writers, I write because I have to. All these words come into my head and won’t leave me alone until I get them down on paper. What if I could satisfy my passion for writing and actually make money in doing so?

Chris Guillebeau , a successful writer himself, has put together a 55 page downloadable PDF book called The Unconventional Guide to Art and Money. Chris says,”Most artists fail not because they lack talent but because they have not been properly trained in how to represent themselves, build a customer base and actually sell their great artwork.”

I know this is very true in my case. Selling my art—my writing—is not something I do well.

There are two versions of the book, one for beginners, like me, and one for those who are experienced but would like to do better. Part of what makes the guide so helpful is that Chris includes interviews from other artist who are making money so you can see the principles he talks about at work.

The other important thing is that he has follow up emails with the Guide to Art and Money as well as with the classes and other books he offers. He seems more interested in making helpful

material available than in making a sale. That impresses me.

His three ebooks I recommend are:

Art + Money, Get Your Message to the World and Breaking Out of the Nine to Five.

He will soon release his first book on Amazon. The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World by Chris Guillebeau

Why do we keep things

2010-07-30T05:48:00.001-06:00

The biggest news for July is that I finally got my storage unit cleaned out. I don’t even want to think about how much I have spent to keep all the things we brought from Illinois. And that is what it was in it —just things. I went Wednesday, the last day in June and swept out the cobwebs and a half a bucket of dust from the storage unit. No, not really a half a bucket but there was a lot of dust.

It was so hard to get rid of Edward’s things. Most of it I didn’t even know what it was other that it was something he worked on. It’s really sad in a way, a man spends all his life working on something and when he is gone, we take it to the dump. A small portion of it, I did save because the memories are still too strong. But, it does not make sense to pay thousands of dollars in storage fees for

computer printouts of something that is antiquated.

I pitched several dumpsters full of nothing more than books. I love books and probably kept more than I should have, because my book shelves are still overflowing. The children wouldn’t let me get rid of some of the furniture and antiques though. I’ve been emotional and teary-eyed all month, but it feels good to have it over with. There are still a few things left in my car port to be dispersed, and my house is bulging with things I couldn’t let go of, but the worst is over.

This experience has made me think about the things that I hang on to someone will have to go through all over again when I die. Why do we as human beings hang on to these things? We don’t need it wherever we go from this mortal life. The most important things are intangibles, love, memories, kind deeds, and experiences. Those are the things that are impossible to replace.

Why is it harder for some of us to throw away things than it is for other? I think young people are better about de-junking. Those of us from an era where things were hard to get and we had to make do with what we had, tend to hang on to things more.

I remember Aunt Ruthy talking about how it is still hard for her to throw away

gallon jugs because the family saved them to sell Uncle Jake’s molasses. In those days, we saved fabric in the form of, good but too small clothes to make into quilts. The idea of buying brand new yard goods to put into a quilt was a difficult one for me to get use to.

That was the days before the different marts we have now. Are things going to get like that again? There are some who believe it will. Some say there will come a time when we will have to mine the dumps. Makes me think of the movie Wall ~e

I don’t know if that’s true or not, but if it is I just left you a lot of books to read.

New Newsletter

2010-05-08T12:52:00.004-06:00

The Newsletter

The main purpose of this newsletter is to encourage and applaud individuality. To find and recognize those who do their own thing and do it well. I spotlight those who broke the rules, stepped outside tradition, and followed their heart. In so doing, they found a new path that changed their world and the world around them. It’s about finding what’s right for the individual and listening to the voice within to become an inspiration and help to others. It’s about living persons in your neighborhood or world that succeeded despite the odds against them. I welcome your suggestions for the Significant Path Spotlight.

Another reason I am starting a newsletter is that I haven’t kept in touch with everyone the way I should and this is one way to let the folks back home know what I’m doing. I have spent a great deal of my life in creative activity and it’s about time I shared that part of myself. Otherwise, when I leave this old world no one will even know the things I’ve created.

The newsletter may be sent directly to your email inbox or you can read my blog http://ceilhears.blogspot.com or catch me on facebook. And yes, for a few people especially those who have known me for half a century, I will snail mail the newsletter. I’m sorry, but most of you will be charged $5.64 for postage for twelve issues. You may contact me at (Mellie)Ceil DeYoung, 224 South Main Street Box 435, Springville, Ut, 84663. But you will need to let me know if you are interested, either in the hard copy or the electronic version, because I don’t want to be a pest and send you junk mail or spam. You can email me at ceil@theindividualpath.com if you want the email version.

The Web Site

There is also a web site, http://www.theindividualpath.com The site will not only feature my stuff, the blog and Significant Paths, but also my Favorite Paths. Favorite Paths differs from Significant Paths because there is a book or other product associated with the article. If you want to check out the product, click on the link to the gallery. Feel free to go there just to look around.

Lennard The Frog

Lennard will have his own section with the books I wrote about him. It will take me a month or more to get him on the site, but there will be:

• A Lennard section

• His books will be in the gallery

• There will be activity pages for the kids (4-8) to download free

• Music

• Guest speakers/writers (on teaching, child development and other child related issues)

• Blog for parents

I cannot tell you how good it feels to get back to my individual path. I never intended to publish Lennard in the traditional way. I created him to have his own site.

Lennard is soon to be free.

Yea!

Look at Lennard go!